The news that changed the way I saw myself, and life

I got diagnosed when I was 26. Testing took up several months, then I got the results right around my 27th birthday. It was quite extensive, including interviews with my parents and myself about me growing up, IQ test, questionares, and more. I got tested for Autism, ADHD, and personality disorders, and learned a lot about myself.

It was a weird moment in my life where I felt conflicted and my heart heavy. If I’d known earlier there’d been so much confusion and heartache gone. Things made sense, fell into place, and I finally understood why I was the way I was.

Diagnosis made me relieved that there was a reason for the way I was, but it spoke of flaws and deficits. It said there was something wrong with me, even if it wasn’t something I could do about. I’d always be autistic. And I needed to learn how to deal with that.

It was painful. But a pain I managed to deal with by interacting with the autistic communities online. They taught me it wasn’t something wrong with me, but my brain just worked differently. That many of my hurts came from ableism, and not necessarily from what I was. Yes, there are struggles like sensory sensitivity and struggig with social stuff, but when when understanding accepting and listening to my body and its needs, it becomes less of a problem. Yes, it’s sometimes difdicult not to be ablw to go to parties deom friends and family or am limited in my social acticities, but if people truly care about me, they’ll understand and it’ll be okay. We all have out limits. It’s an important lesson. One if I’m honest still struggle with sometimes, but it gets better wr in time.

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